Home / Lancashire Zombie Horror
Lancashire Zombie Horror

July 27, 2009


Sorry for the late delivery. I sent this little gem of sicko sensationalism to the tabloids as an experiment a week or two ago. I have heard nothing and as I don't actually read the tabloids I have no idea if they took it seriously or printed their own version regardless.

Blimey... the things you do when you're bored. Hope you enjoy it and take it in the spirit it is intended. Which isn't actually mean.

Thanks for everyone who gets back to me. Enjoy (or maybe not in this case).


El Rey x



At three am on Sunday 5th July 2009 self proclaimed witch doctor, Mr Jon Lee Hoodoo called an ambulance to save a dying teenaged girl outside his terraced house in Kirkham Lancashire hoping to turn the paramedics into zombie sex slaves when they arrived at the scene.

The girl appeared to have been stabbed in the chest. The paramedics used an electric fribrillator in their struggle to resuscitate the girl and at the third shout of 'clear!' the wanna-be-Baron-Samedi swung at the Blackpool Victoria Hospital senior employee, Brad Such with a serrated bread knife. Fortunately the knife snagged on the collar of the paramedics overalls and the voodoo obsessed assailant was brought to his knees by Mr Such's assistant, Donna Blood.

It later transpired that all attempts to revive the still unidentified girl had been futile as police investigating the incident found her heart pickling in a jar of balsamic vinegar on the top shelf of Mr Hoodoo's well stocked pantry. In an ironic twist the Wesham born witchdoctor told police officers he had purchased his top hat at an OXFAM shop in nearby Lytham St.Annes.

Mr Hoodoo had been obsessed with voodoo since he watched the cult movie The Serpent and the Rainbow on video as a child. He had over forty zombie movies, including Night of the Living Dead, Shatter Dead, 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead in his collection of horror and crime DVDs. He also had a large collection of pickled reptiles in jars and over two hundred blues and rock and roll CDs. His house was adorned with self painted portraits of Papa Doc, Lux Interior, Screaming Jay Hawkins, Boris Karloff, Aleister Crowley and other icons of the dark side.

Hoodoo claims he found the dead teenaged girl whilst walking his dogs along the railway lines between Kirkham and Poulton Le Fylde and has no idea who she is. He also claims he took her heart out to make sure that his spell didn't misfire and revive her instead of the paramedic. He says he did not make love to the corpse as suggested by investigating pathologists. There was no dog present at the scene. The case continues.

sunday story  , ricardo el rey  ,
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