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Lancashire Zombie Horror

July 27, 2009


Sorry for the late delivery. I sent this little gem of sicko sensationalism to the tabloids as an experiment a week or two ago. I have heard nothing and as I don't actually read the tabloids I have no idea if they took it seriously or printed their own version regardless.

Blimey... the things you do when you're bored. Hope you enjoy it and take it in the spirit it is intended. Which isn't actually mean.

Thanks for everyone who gets back to me. Enjoy (or maybe not in this case).


El Rey x



At three am on Sunday 5th July 2009 self proclaimed witch doctor, Mr Jon Lee Hoodoo called an ambulance to save a dying teenaged girl outside his terraced house in Kirkham Lancashire hoping to turn the paramedics into zombie sex slaves when they arrived at the scene.

The girl appeared to have been stabbed in the chest. The paramedics used an electric fribrillator in their struggle to resuscitate the girl and at the third shout of 'clear!' the wanna-be-Baron-Samedi swung at the Blackpool Victoria Hospital senior employee, Brad Such with a serrated bread knife. Fortunately the knife snagged on the collar of the paramedics overalls and the voodoo obsessed assailant was brought to his knees by Mr Such's assistant, Donna Blood.

It later transpired that all attempts to revive the still unidentified girl had been futile as police investigating the incident found her heart pickling in a jar of balsamic vinegar on the top shelf of Mr Hoodoo's well stocked pantry. In an ironic twist the Wesham born witchdoctor told police officers he had purchased his top hat at an OXFAM shop in nearby Lytham St.Annes.

Mr Hoodoo had been obsessed with voodoo since he watched the cult movie The Serpent and the Rainbow on video as a child. He had over forty zombie movies, including Night of the Living Dead, Shatter Dead, 28 Days Later and Dawn of the Dead in his collection of horror and crime DVDs. He also had a large collection of pickled reptiles in jars and over two hundred blues and rock and roll CDs. His house was adorned with self painted portraits of Papa Doc, Lux Interior, Screaming Jay Hawkins, Boris Karloff, Aleister Crowley and other icons of the dark side.

Hoodoo claims he found the dead teenaged girl whilst walking his dogs along the railway lines between Kirkham and Poulton Le Fylde and has no idea who she is. He also claims he took her heart out to make sure that his spell didn't misfire and revive her instead of the paramedic. He says he did not make love to the corpse as suggested by investigating pathologists. There was no dog present at the scene. The case continues.

18-Jan-2011 Ricardo El Rey
Lung & Library

August 9, 2009


Sorry I missed last week. My head was a muddle. As it is today.

So here are two short ones. I dragged them from my archive as I am working on stuff that gets in the way. They are particular favourites of mine. Some of you will have already read them.

Off to the tatty town to watch punks and fighter planes today.

Love and ferrets

El Rey x



The doctors were flabbergasted to discover that Mr Reon's left lung had been removed and replaced with a neatly designed pouch made entirely of surgically stitched top of the range Axminster carpet, the type often found in up-market restaurants, posh department stores and public houses. It was a medical breakthrough. With no sign of clinical rejection apparent the woollen lung soaked up cigarette tar like a sponge and could be touched safely by human fingers without tarnishing it's elaborately woven tartanesque pattern.



George loved old fashioned technology. He trusted nothing new; nothing small and neatly packaged. If it was small he deduced that it was easily tarnished, infected, damaged or duplicated. His collection of vinyl, laser discs and video-tapes was so vast that he had to buy a bigger house. Storage space was an optimum. His home was a veritable audio-video shrine to music, cinema, history, art and anecdotal documentation. His living space was tiny and smelly. He maintained a sense of self -esteem by reminding himself each day that he was considered a genius within his chosen field of expertise. He certainly knew his stuff.


18-Jan-2011 Ricardo El Rey
Divine Interview Excerpt

7 minutes and 22 seconds of Shade Rupe's interview with Divine. March 3, 1986, Seattle, WA. Full interview transcribed in the new book Dark Stars Rising.

Dark Stars Rising: Conversations from the Outer Realms by Shade Rupe is a collection of 27 candid interviews spanning 24 years with unique and free-thinking artists. Working in different media, countries, constraints, and freedoms, the vortex here is created by New York film writer Shade Rupe, known for his avant interests and the cultural realm he inhabits with his Funeral Party books. Everyone in this collection has produced artifacts that affect the heart, mind, soul, and future. Buy the book»

21-Jan-2011 Shade Rupe
Tarantella! Playlist

The Headpress Tarantella! youtube playlist. Folk music of the Italian south (and one or two numbers from outside of it). Listen and then buy the book Mezzogiorno. Life. Death. Southern Italy by David Kerekes here»

Image cover mezzogiorno
Mezzogiorno: Life. Death. Southern Italy by David Kerekes is a work of biography, fable, superstition, folklore and fact, spanning three generations of southern Italian family life. Set amidst a landscape of peasant riots, vicious landlords, religious festival, feuds, the collapse of the Fascist party, and the tarantella — a world lost to the changing face of the twenty-first century. More about this item»

26-Jan-2012 David Kerekes

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