We have just received reports concerning a frenzy of mass murders in the popular holiday resort of Boglin. According to the reports two well known musician Elliot De Wilderbeast and Stormy Werthers have struck at several public houses and clubs targeting and shooting lead singers of popular local bands including 'Travesty', 'U3', 'Comfortably Numbered', 'Run Dobbie Run', 'Archibald's Rivals', 'The Totally Dull', 'Pointless Prick', 'Fun Substitute', 'The Sensational Allan Hardy Band', 'The Poohsticks', 'Dog Day Evening', 'Pusrsewasive', 'Soft to Touch', 'Wrist Action', 'We Are the Champignons' , 'The Undertow', 'Adam and the Antlers', 'Rather It Be You', 'Stranger By Name', 'Is Anyone In?', 'Sock Pistols', 'Dimlight', 'Trudged', 'No Biscuit' 'Daftness' and the Tesco backed folk band 'Every Fiddle Helps'.
The report states that the killings were perpetrated by a middle aged man who looked like Elvis and a girl who looked like Eddie Cochran. Both are believed to be members of local punk band 'Antidisestablishmentarianism'. We'll keep you posted.